M&M Life has been hard, but we will be ok!

I’m sitting here today feeling renewed. For a long time I’ve been very angry. A couple years ago Life was great. I owned a gallery, was teaching at the college, and I was director of children’s church at our home church. We were also on the newer side of Foster Parenting. Long story short my husband lost his job in the Covid crazy lay off event. We had to move so we could be closer to his new job. If one thing is known about our relationship we are better together.

We were given incorrect info on where we needed to live. Moving to Colerain has been awful it’s been a huge challenge. We’ve lived there 1.5 years now and I have yet to make any friends or find a place where I belong. It’s been hard and extremely isolating.

We also are still waiting to finalize the kids adoption. A lot of happened on our parenting journey. Our eldest decided he did not want to be adopted into our family, he made this decision in a pretty traumatic way. (I will not elaborate ) We are still pursuing adoption for the other siblings. Some days it feels like it will never happen. We get a date or a time line and it keeps getting pushed off. We are exhausted and the kids constantly ask us when it will happen. We pray it will happen soon.

I feel so tired exhausted and alone that This week I had big breakdown I informed my husband I was leaving him to get out of Colerain. I had the plan to just leave knowing that I would would be messing up my only chance to adopt the kids and be Matt’s wife. ( not gonna elaborate on that either)

This weekend Matt and I attended the Family Life remember marriage conference. This weekend I was reminded that both Matt and I are good together, we are fantastic parents, business partners ( Matt needs to work on his quilling technique) and Friends.

I yelled at Matt this weekend because I was hurting about the loss of our eldest, I assumed that because Matt didn’t talk about it he wasn’t hurting. In reality we had been so focused on helping the kids with their loss, that we did not openly talk about it being a loss for us as well. I yelled at Matt this weekend because I detest Colerain with every fiber of my being. He shared with me that the financial aspect were what’s stopping us from moving.

Last night we had a couple of drinks and really made plan. Then we starting talking about other things like random business ideas, we reminisced about things that we’ve done together, over came together, and all the people we have that care about us.( We love you guys) We also solidified what is most important to us. God, Each other, our Kids, our dogs, and our friends.

Our plan is not solidified ,( money is evil) but the one thing we decided on is Matt and I have been through so much and we do work well together. We love each other so much and even though a-lot of Suck is happening right now, We need each other.

We are each other’s imperfect person.

This morning I woke up with nothing but love for Matt. Matt is my person, he’s goofy, sarcastic, and Sometimes he uses to many words for my ADHD brain. He taught me what unconditional love truly is, he was the first person that made me feel truly wanted. I love him beyond the moon and stars, he’s my biggest cheerleader and bestest friend. He is also the best hugger on the planet. I told one of our Foster Kids once that life is always going to be hard, you just have to choose what hard you are going to pursue. I choose Matt and the amazing family we have.

I am dreading going back to Colerain today, but maybe a miracle will happen and we will get out soon. Overtime we will heal from the loss of our eldest. We will be ok and I’m grateful for Matt.

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